The WIFE Operating System.
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing 
that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
No mention of this was included with the product information.
In addition, Wife 1.0. installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5, Football 5.0, Hockey 3.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5 and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the Uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
Signed,
A Troubled
User
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very
common problem that men complain about. It is due to a primary misconception
among men. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife
1.0 thinking that it
is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0
is an OPERATING
SYSTEM 
and is designed by its creator to run everything!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0.
Hidden operating system files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings: Maintenance/Child Support."
I recommend that
you keep Wife 1.0
and work on
improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application program
Yes_Dear 
to alleviate
software augmentation.
Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding "General Partnership Faults [GPFs)."
You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPFs tend to be somewhat cyclical, occurring approximately 28 days apart. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
Avoid excessive
use of C:\YES_DEAR
because ultimately you will have to use the APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal anyway.
Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but tends to require very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs such as Clean_and_Sweep 3.0, Cook_It 1.5 (which replaces Burn_It 1.0) and Do_Bills 4.2.
You must however be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system
to launch the program Nag_Nag 9.5.
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.
I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.
WARNING!! *DO NOT* under any circumstances, install Secretary_With_Short_Skirt.
This application
is not supported by Wife 1.0
and will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck.
Tech Support
For information on the Husband Operating System
