Evolution theory ?
Never heard of it.
Facing their first life and death choice.
The beginning of the blaming syndrome.
God creates woman
One day, after nearly an eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam dials up God and says; "Lord, I have a problem"
"What's the problem, Adam?" God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden, lovely food and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy and feel very lonely. "The sheep and I do not speak the same language.""
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a WOMAN for you"
"Forgive me, Lord, but what is a WOMAN?"
"This WOMAN will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you." Replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great to me." says Adam.
"She will be great, as is with all things I create, well except for the Platypus, but Adam.........."
"Yes Lord."
"This is going to cost you."
"How much will this WOMAN cost me Lord?" Adam replies.
"She'll cost you your right arm,..... your right leg,..... an eye and an ear,... and........... your left testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time. Then with a look of deep though and concern still etched on his face Adam says, "Ehhhh, what can I get for a rib?"
The time before Gossip and the Grapevine.
Difficult communications. Adam and Eve realized they had a language barrier.
The Chilling of the love relationship and the birth of resentment.
What if God had created woman first, version
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to
God.
"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of
these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not
happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for
you."
"What's a man, Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie,
cheat, and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be
bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when
he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way
that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in
childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart,
so he'll also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great." says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. What's
the catch, Lord?"
"Well ... you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring ... So you'll have
to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little
secret...
"You know, woman to woman."
SILLY EVE
God had just finished creating Adam. God said to him "Adam, I want you to pick out a partner from any of the animals in the garden."
So Adam looked around trying to find a mate. After a few minutes Adam said to God "God, none of these animals will do." So God made a woman for Adam.
Adam looked at the woman and said to God "God, why did you make her so beautiful?"
and God replied "So you will like her Adam."
Adam said, "But God, she is just SO beautiful why is she so beautiful?"
"So you will like her" God replied. Then Adam asked, "But God, why did you make her so silly?"
God replied "So she will like you."
COUNTING RIBS
When Adam stayed
out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You´re running around
with other women," she told her mate.
"Eve, honey, you´re being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You
know you´re the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam
fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in his side. It was Eve
poking him about the torso.
"What do you think you´re doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
Multiplying and populating the earth was not going to happen till they finally made up and kissed.
Adam's romantic approach with an obvious one-liner.
Adam's romamtic and poetic skills were still rudimentary.
FIRST KISS
After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."
Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?"
So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that Was enjoyable."
And the Lord replied,
"Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy
that and now I'd like you to caress Eve."
And Adam said, "What is a 'caress'?"
So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "'Lord, that was even better than the kiss."
And the Lord said,
"'You've done well Adam. And now I want
you to make love to Eve."
And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?"'
So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.
And Adam said, "Lord, what is a 'headache'?"
Enough Blood
On the Second day God says to Adam, "I have some good news... and some bad news."
Adam responds, "Well tell me the good news first."
"Alright my son, the good news is I will give you both a brain and a penis......... the bad news is I'm only going to give you enough blood to run one at a time."
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